This doesn’t need a title.

If only there were things in this universe which can tell me what kind of path I’m heading to. If only those things exist. I wouldn’t be in this hell of a mess. If only I could have anticipated those events. If only. Most useless two words put together. Ever.

I’m seemingly headed into a world in which I hardly recognize. Things become more and more mundane. I get annoyed by the littlest of things. I can’t get my mind fixated on something for too long. Can’t even make proper conversation with anyone. I have gotten more passive and  less outspoken.

This isn’t the me I was a couple of years back. Where have I gone? I can’t be that far away right? I remember I used to be some person with confidence, outspoken, sociable, extremely lighthearted and down to earth (maybe).

What used to be extremely fun to do before I can’t enjoy due to my physical limitations. They may be self imposed limitations but they really are all that I can manage. No matter how hard I push myself my own body says no. That probably affected me mentally too. Even my mind starts telling me no.

I read this somewhere, “God is God and God is good”. What does this mean? I am not a spiritually inclined person but I am intrigued by this quote right here. What is a definition of God? God doesn’t exist right? So is the idea of God different in each and everyone’s mind? Is God the same in everyone’s imagination? God does not have a physical presence here on earth. I can’t bring myself to believe something that I can’t see or feel. If imagination and faith is all it takes for one to believe in God, good for you.

But I do understand some things in this universe can’t be explained. Sometimes I can’t explain to myself why I do the things that I do. I’m not particularly motivated by anything to do what I do. In-explainable but necessary actions.

There must be more to life isn’t it? Rather than just think about earning big bucks, driving big cars, living in huge mansions and etc. What do you live for? What do I live for?