Injury.

Pain.

Much is known about pain and the sensation it brings.

But this pain. This pain that I feel right here. This pain that never seems to go away. This pain that plagues my sleep at night. This is no mortal pain nor it was physical. A pain much worse than a broken leg or that of broken fingers. Never fails to keep me awake at night. As if it wants me to stay awake to experience every single daunting minute of it.

It has been 2 years. The pain hasn’t eased. For the heart that yearns for something that it can never have. All those memories has come crashing down like rubble during an earthquake. 2 years felt like more than eternity has to offer. 2 years was indeed a long time since I felt genuinely happy. Long time since I felt like I had someone to catch me whenever I fall. A long time since someone who is willing to stand by and face my adversities together.

Well. It has been 2 years. You probably have found someone else. And all I can do is look back. All that I have are memories and a letter and some photos and a note. You will always be the one that got away. I can never do anything about it now. Like a flower in the river, you flowed gracefully out of my reach as I can only stand and watch.

People always want something that they can never have. I had been chasing an impossible dream. A dream that I tagged as impossible because in this really real world that I live in, it is literally impossible. I had always dreamed of the time that I will show up in that airport and I will see your face among the sea of people. But what will happen after that? I can’t stay there nor can you come here and live. Our lives are in 2 different places, 2 different realities. Families and friends in 2 different places.

It was good while it lasted. However I felt like I lost something. I lost a really good friend. Someone who would look past all the flaws that are a part of me. You didn’t have many flaws to look past. You were almost perfect. Someone that I always dreamed of meeting. However, I lost you but you are always frolicking in these thoughts of mine.

You appear in my dreams. Constantly. Your voice, your smile, your warmth, your hands, your smell. I really miss that. All of it are nothing but thoughts and my imaginations now. The day I first saw you, and the day I last saw you in person, replaying in my head like a broken record. The first time I brought you to my hangout spot, the time we went sightseeing in Melaka, the time I first brought you to the club. I remember all of this. All of it.

If you ever did come back to me, I’ll never, ever let you go. Its all but just a dream. I miss you.